Ten things I wish I had known in high school - for our younger daisies!

A while back I was asked to speak at my old high school, and the thought of trying to find something relevant to say to a hall full of teenage girls was daunting. What on earth could I say that would be meaningful and uplifting for them? I think when you are fifteen you think that adults should have it all figured out. Of course, we know life doesn’t quite work like that and we learn as we go. But to tell a bunch of kids that hardly any of the adults really know what they are doing didn’t seem like a good idea. So, I outsourced my dilemma to my old schoolmates, asking them what they wish they had known when they were in high school and the following is a compilation of our thoughts.

No.1. There is life after school and lots of it.

Everyone remembers sitting at long school assemblies where some or other speaker tells you that these are the best days of your life and you should make the most of them. Over and over again, we heard the same message.  But looking back, while there were definitely good times in high school, life got better and better after school. Each decade is richer than the last. There is something about learning to accept yourself as you get older, being able to put aside all the insecurities of your younger self. And at some point, you realise and accept that you are who you are; you can’t change how you look, how you feel and what you like. This is when the fun begins. You start wearing whatever you fancy or speaking your mind (knowing that it might not be well-received) and life gets better and richer.

No. 2. Marks and grades aren’t everything.

In the real world, you are not constantly tested upon factoids and getting an A+ isn’t necessarily always the best thing.  Sure, your parents are happy when you get good marks, but I am positive they would be just as proud if they knew you had figured out how to manage your time well, knew and accepted your limitations, and learned to use your resources. These are skills you will need when you leave school. Nobody will ask you what you got for your maths exam in a job interview, but rather what skills you have – can you communicate effectively, can you problem solve?

These things are not taught in books, but rather through applying knowledge you have gained and using what you have. By no means am I advocating, just chilling out and doing nothing (I am sure teachers and parents would kill me for that) and make no mistake, there is no substitute for hard work. But rather, it is more important to enjoy the educational process. Ask questions, discuss and explore areas or things that fascinate you. Find something you love to do and really go for it! This could become a refuge for you later on in life.

Believe it or not, failure or disappointment can be the best thing to happen to you. At these dark points in your life when you feel like you have not succeeded or have not achieved what you set out to, you have the choice to either wallow in what ‘could have been’ or to see it as an opportunity to challenge yourself and adjust your mindset.

When I look back on my life and remember points of change, I remember them often being hard, but I learnt so much about myself and realised that it is not so much what happens to you, but rather how you choose to see the situation. This is how you build resilience – the ability to cope, even when things are tough. This is how you grow. Embrace failure and use it as a springboard to something even better.

No. 4. One size does NOT fit all.

There are many paths to success. You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. In fact, some of the most successful people in the world did not follow a conventional path to success. There is always so much talk about going to university in high school. This may surprise you, but I really wish everyone didn’t go to university. There are so many different paths one can take to achieve one’s dreams. I am sure you have heard of Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Henry Ford, Beyoncé, Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey and Richard Branson. Can you guess what all of these people have in common? None of them graduated from university and some only found success later after doing something else first.

Don’t be afraid to break out of the mould (because more often than not, that mould is something you have cast yourself and it is your barrier to change).

No. 5. Love yourself.

Just be yourself and accept who you are. You don’t have to fit in. You can be different and you are lovable, no matter how much you like to march to the beat of your own drum.

Someone once told me that you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you (obviously excluding parents, family members and besties). Loving yourself isn’t about vanity or arrogance. It’s about accepting who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. Nobody is perfect and no one has it all figured out. Even when it looks like they have everything together, most of us have our own insecurities. Your inner dialogue is so important. Watch the words that you speak to yourself because they will predict your future.

No. 6 Enjoy being a woman.

There has never been a better time to be a woman. There are more opportunities now for women than ever before. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. You can achieve whatever you set your mind to doing, whether that is being a mechanic or surgeon. Being a confident and successful woman doesn’t mean you have to put aside feminity. Enjoy all that this can mean.

No. 6 Embrace being a man.

If there were ever a time when we needed strong men, it is now. As the world we know changes on a daily basis, we need men more than ever who are not afraid to stand up for what is right. Men who value integrity and are not afraid to voice their opinions without resorting to violence.

No. 7 Choose your friends wisely.

Surround yourself with people who build you up and don’t break you down. Your peers have a greater impact on you than you realize. Another good friend of mine who is a forensic psychologist explained to me how the group you identify with or the friends you hang out with as a teenager have even more influence on your actions than your parents do. So, choose your tribe wisely and be aware that they will shape who you become later on in life. These friends are gold. Treat them as such.

No. 8 Look forward.

All you have is now and we all need to protect our future. So, stop looking back and focusing on what has been. Look towards a positive future and be part of the change that needs to happen to make it what you want it to be. Be conscious of the world around you and know that the future is defined by your mindset.

No. 10 Be kind. No exceptions.

My final point is probably the most important of all and if you don’t remember anything else, just remember this – you will never regret being kind and your kindness may have a greater impact than you will ever realise.

A few years ago, I was having a rough time. Nothing was going as planned, I had cancer and was feeling exhausted and deflated. On my way to radiation and then work, I stopped at the Starbucks drive-thru to get my caffeine fix for the morning.  When I got to the window to pay, I was told that the car in front of me had paid for my coffee and wished me a happy day. It was not someone I knew or had had any contact with – yet this simple and random act of kindness touched me so deeply. The car was long gone and I would never know who it was, but I will never forget that moment and how it reminded me of all I had to be grateful for.